Hiya long time no see! Hahaha. Yeah I know I'm on holidays and being busy is no excuse for not writing here, but you know. . . I'm just so busy being free to want to do anything like updating my blog :p
Still, just wanna write out some random thoughts. I've been reading a book lately. It's a love story which doesn't end with a happily ever after. Growing up watching fairy tales, I'd always like happy endings. I feel sorry for the guy in this story, who at last walked away knowing that he could never possibly be with the girl he loved because he would not break up a marriage for it.
When I was younger, I always imagined myself having my own story one day. And I thought that when the time comes for me, I'd be ready to give. But for what I had just experienced in the last two years, I'm not sure now. I don't know if I'll readily trust a person anymore.
I was close with this particular guy last year. Knowing the difference between us, I told him that we would only remain as friends if we could never bring that down. I thought he wanted to work it out when he took another step towards me after telling him that, and I decided to also put my heart into it. The fact is, as far as I could see, he never really committed himself to bring down that difference between us. In the end, things became hard for us and I told him we had to stop. Even though I was the one who initiated it, I was mad at him for a period of time. I thought that he shouldn't have lead me on when he wasn't even ready to work it out seriously.
I regretted trusting him in the beginning. I felt like kicking myself because I should have known better. What it was between us that time felt so true, and now with this heartbreaking experience, I don't know how will I react if I find myself in the same situation again, will I be able to convince myself that this time, things will work out? Will I be able to believe the promises this person will make? Will I be confident that this person will be the one who will stand with me till the end? It takes trust for a relationship to be even possible. But I really don't know if I know how to trust again. There's just so much. . . fear. Fear that I have to go through the same whole scene once more.
